A Mess

My apartment is a mess. Clothing everywhere. dishes in the sink, my sheets could use a wash.

Adam (The Somali guy) calls daily…he has for about 2 months now. And the other day he sends me this email:

question? is it haram me and you to chat online or on the phone? please find out. http://youtu.be/QxejePXT1ak

I watched the video…only because it was not too long. and then I sent my response:

I watched the video, thank you for sending it to me. According to the Sheik, chatting is a halwa and could lead to a sexual conversation. In the right way you are to come meet my father and mother and make your final decision based on our public conversations. And that because my Wali is not present then we should not have private conversations by phone. So the answer to you question is it Haram? According to the sheik, Yes.

So here is the point with him…Everything is HARAM. Life is a waste. Lets sit in the mosque all day and forget there is the real world to deal with. Then he told me today that his future children could not be around christians ie…my mother. I told him that was unacceptable and he was like I know….

So I really hate to feel like I am back at the start looking for a spouse and since I kinds love Adam now and since I really want a baby and my co-worker called me in…the one who took my position to tell me that she did not want me to hear it from others and make me feel let out that she was “HAVING A BABY!!! I smiled and congratulated her for having my life, and position at school. And I went about my day thinking marry Adam if only for the baby..then you’ll at least accomplished that much in your life. Hate my life and job right now… I am an effing mess

Allah please forgive me before I die.

 

Ramadan…and trying to stay off the net.

So Ramadan is going quit well… I am reading Quran and keeping up with my fast. Can not seem to get off the web though 😦

And Adam. We might get married. We do like each other very much and all. I don’t know…still up in the air a bit.  There are some things I really don’t like about him. At any rate. As it ia Ramadan I am really not going to spend to much time thinking about him.

Back to work this week and my classroom just looks like crap. I really wish I were more creative 😦

And Somalia’s starving breaks my heart…

Alhamduallah for Everything.

could be worse?

 

I am leaving my job because my position was given to someone else and I was asked to move to another grade…

No. I will not stand for it. I put two years into that school at almost half of what I would be making in the public school system. So Eff them, I am leaving.

In other news: I went online today to find a spouse 😀

Instead I found Amir, I met him a few times at the local hookah lounge, he actually owns it. He was quite handsy  as I recall. Divorced, from Morocco and he HAS A GREENCARD!!!

I am pretty sure he wants to use me like the rest but hey…at least if Fasil ignores me, I will have a second option and not feel so depressed.

This is not going to turn out good and as far as I am concerned I am digging myself quite the hole here. FML

Astagfirullah

Sleeping

Before I met Fasil about a month ago Sleeping was my comfort. I would come home from work, take a pill, and wake up just to do it all again. Then came Fasil, I stayed awake because he might call. The only thing better than him calling was him taking me out, sure I had to deal with getting groped and squeezed but still at least I felt like I was living.

Today at work I was told that I was being reassigned next year, from kindergarten to fourth grade. Apparently I am not chipper enough for the little ones. But my students effing love me!! What the hell are they talking about? Just because I dont smile in their face or kissing the parents butt does not make me a bad teacher. Anyway they pay me to teach not smile!!

So my depression is finally affecting my livelihood. Guess it was only a matter of time.

And on days like this and Fasil is not calling I see no point to get out of bed. so I wont. Goodnight…